No, we're not at the rodeo. It's cold and wet here so that would be wrong. No, right now the rodeo grounds is being used for football which just proves that people like to enjoy America's so-called favorite pastime in horse shit.
After a free breakfast at the Oxford Suites and a brisk swim, we are headed for Idaho on our way to Iowa. I feel like Columbus without the rape, contagion, and abuse of indigenous peoples. While I've flown over the flyover states many times, I've only driven there once and that was in Canada.
Infants and toddlers were involved so it was not fun. Although my ex-husband will tell you it was his best vacation ever. He fished. I washed babies in buckets and tried to keep kids from drowning and being eaten by indigenous wildlife. Tents were also involved.
Note to fathers: if it's your child it's called parenting, not babysitting. Learn this or you may find your wife divorcing you and leaving to hang out with lesbians.
So we left Pendleton after Jenny lost her keys. I found them. In the car, which she also left unlocked. I did beg, for the million twelfth time, that she become methodical and thus keep track of the keys. I've been begging for the past 23 years. Yes, I am insane. Thank you for noticing.
Several Hours Later
We are now in Mountain Home, Idaho which is east of Boise and has no mountains. It does have an Air Force base and a Sally Beauty store. I believe the latter is obligatory in any Idaho town. However, I'm pretty sure the sun should not be shining in our eyes at 5 pm if we are truly headed east. Are we directionally challenged? Time to rethink this.
Middle of the Night
It's now after 9 pm. I am in pain, have pumped myself full of MMJ and Vicodin, and just want to go to bed. But someone (you know who you are) told Jenny to take this "better" road, the scenic route. Scenic doesn't work in the dark. We have missed many sights and I'm approaching meltdown. We're still an hour out of Pocatello, which that idiot SIRI mispronounces differently each time. I hate SIRI.