Tuesday, October 21, 2014

There are buffalos in the room....

....but they're not free. Weirdest thing I've heard today.

We spent some time with Jenny's aunt and uncle in Pocatello and are now in Jackson Hole, WY on our way to the Grand Teton National Park. First, though, we went to Starbucks which is right next to the obligatory Sally Beauty.

Twas a gorgeous drive, a beautiful day, clouded only by the fact that I took a muscle relaxer last night, proving once again that the brain is a muscle. Those things turn me into Jabba the Hutt only dumber. Time for a nap.

Pulled off at Blackfoot to see this:

Yes, there was a Sally Beauty, too.

No snowplows between 9 pm and 5 am

What? These people have personal snowplows? Isn't plowing something done by city or county folks? Why would they need a sign telling them when not to plow? I'm baffled. Maybe out here in the land of the Marlboro man they all have snowplows.

We spent the day at Grand Teton national park. Amazingly beautiful. I took photos but will have to add them later when I have access to a real computer instead of a tablet. We saw NO wildlife although we tried. Well, there were mallards and geese and one lone coot.

Sunday, October 19, 2014

The Pendelton Roundup

No, we're not at the rodeo. It's cold and wet here so that would be wrong. No, right now the rodeo grounds is being used for football which just proves that people like to enjoy America's so-called favorite pastime in horse shit.

After a free breakfast at the Oxford Suites and a brisk swim, we are headed for Idaho on our way to Iowa. I feel like Columbus without the rape, contagion, and abuse of indigenous peoples. While I've flown over the flyover states many times, I've only driven there once and that was in Canada.

Infants and toddlers were involved so it was not fun. Although my ex-husband will tell you it was his best vacation ever. He fished. I washed babies in buckets and tried to keep kids from drowning and being eaten by indigenous wildlife. Tents were also involved.

Note to fathers: if it's your child it's called parenting, not babysitting. Learn this or you may find your wife divorcing you and leaving to hang out with lesbians.

So we left Pendleton after Jenny lost her keys. I found them. In the car, which she also left unlocked. I did beg, for the million twelfth time, that she become methodical and thus keep track of the keys. I've been begging for the past 23 years. Yes, I am insane. Thank you for noticing.

Several Hours Later

We are now in Mountain Home, Idaho which is east of Boise and has no mountains. It does have an Air Force base and a Sally Beauty store. I believe the latter is obligatory in any Idaho town. However, I'm pretty sure the sun should not be shining in our eyes at 5 pm if we are truly headed east. Are we directionally challenged? Time to rethink this.

Middle of the Night

It's now after 9 pm. I am in pain, have pumped myself full of MMJ and Vicodin, and just want to go to bed. But someone (you know who you are) told Jenny to take this "better" road, the scenic route. Scenic doesn't work in the dark. We have missed many sights and I'm approaching meltdown. We're still an hour out of Pocatello, which that idiot SIRI mispronounces differently each time. I hate SIRI.